Today as I was working out (please understand when I say "work out" I am not refering to me pumping insane amounts of iron...they are infact very light haha), and God reminded me where I came from, and where I am now. Upon arriving home I felt like I should post my testimony on here :)
So, here it goes.
I grew up in a conservative Christian home. I knew all my life all the things I needed to do to be saved. Many times I would commit my life to Christ, however, I fell over and over in my imaturity and because never truly allowed my heart to be sanctified and made holy. I wanted to see the "world" as it were. Secretly in my heart I had a desire to get out there and taste sin, but I knew enough not to say that out loud, and it showed through in my life. Even after almost two years of going to a Bible College I was still dabbling in sin. Oh, I'd get help here and there, and many times I know that I was sincer in my walk with God. But in my imaturity I'd fall. Then I was given a gift one day. A book called "Wild at Heart". If you haven't read that book, guy or girl, you should. As I read it I saw what I'd been missing all the while. I'd been holding a piece back from God. I allowed something to take its place, and depended on that thing to get me through life. God shook my world, and showed me I had to let go. That was the single hardest thing I have ever done. To describe what I went through in that process wouldn't really do it justice. I'm not asking for sympathy, because it was the best thing that could have happened to me.
it wasn't until almost 6 months later that I had the bright idea to go to a hardrock concert. Some crazy bands were playing (Bullet for My Valentine, Trapt, Buckcherry, Apocaliptica, Puddle of Mud, and some others). I've never been to something like that, and as I walked among the masses of ppl I saw enough. Fights broke out, drugs being used freely, and people were passed out before the headliners even took stage. I found a spot in the grass and watched. As drunken soul after drunken soul passed by me my stomach churned.
That's when I found out that God goes to rock concerts. He began whispering to me in that still small voice. The kind where no matter how loud the music is, no matter whats going on around you, its heard in a gentle way. My heart melted, and as Buckcherry took stage (the band I wanted to hear the most), my friends and I started to head for the exit. I'd seen enough. By the time I got to the car I knew I wanted nothing to do with that lifestyle...I knew Who I wanted in charge of my life.
Every day I grow a little more, and it seems like every day I make a blunder. But now, instead of just falling back to square one, I lean on God. He picks me up, dusts off the dirt and says, "Walk WITH Me this time...". Yeah, its a walk with me :) I haven't figured out the "running" part yet. Ironically I think that happens the older and longer ya stay with it.
God is my everything now. It has been a long journey getting here, and I still have pains (its true that the mistakes you make in your past haunt you). But now, instead of trying to deal with those painful memories or haunting thoughts, I give them to God. I owe all I am or ever will be to Him
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Today's Knight
Today, er, last night I sat on my couch/bed and considered today's knight. Here is what came up with :)
Today’s strong knight in armor bright
Sits high and proud ready to fight
His eyes are trained to see the danger
And still risks his life for lowly stranger
In the distance and struggle is seen
Between a damsel and a fiend
Spurring black steed into the battle
His whole will bent on killing this rabble
His sword is drawn his shield raised high
He let out valiant battle cry
This devil no match for valiant hero
Its chance of success was turned to zero
The lady, instead of thanking this knight
Was not all impressed with this valiant’s might.
She screamed a halt to stop his steed
Like a knight of honor, he did heed.
“My Lady, this beast wishes to kill you,”
“please, let my blade run him through!”
“No!” she shouted with hoarse voice
“I wish you leave, I’ve made my choice”
“But lady, please, this beast is large”
“Allow me now to finish my charge.”
“Young knight,” she said without a thought
“Tis not the first fight that I’ve fought”
The knight in shinning armor turned
For this a lessons hard to learn
The damsels today don’t want a knight
Instead they’re heart’s hard, ready to fight
Is that lady there in some distress?
Knights wish to do what they do best
Some men don’t fight, and it’s a shame
For its not them, but the women to blame
Let them fight and do their deed
Let them charge on valiant steed
For knights are rare, but rarer still
Is a lady who lets his charge be filled
Today’s strong knight in armor bright
Sits high and proud ready to fight
His eyes are trained to see the danger
And still risks his life for lowly stranger
In the distance and struggle is seen
Between a damsel and a fiend
Spurring black steed into the battle
His whole will bent on killing this rabble
His sword is drawn his shield raised high
He let out valiant battle cry
This devil no match for valiant hero
Its chance of success was turned to zero
The lady, instead of thanking this knight
Was not all impressed with this valiant’s might.
She screamed a halt to stop his steed
Like a knight of honor, he did heed.
“My Lady, this beast wishes to kill you,”
“please, let my blade run him through!”
“No!” she shouted with hoarse voice
“I wish you leave, I’ve made my choice”
“But lady, please, this beast is large”
“Allow me now to finish my charge.”
“Young knight,” she said without a thought
“Tis not the first fight that I’ve fought”
The knight in shinning armor turned
For this a lessons hard to learn
The damsels today don’t want a knight
Instead they’re heart’s hard, ready to fight
Is that lady there in some distress?
Knights wish to do what they do best
Some men don’t fight, and it’s a shame
For its not them, but the women to blame
Let them fight and do their deed
Let them charge on valiant steed
For knights are rare, but rarer still
Is a lady who lets his charge be filled
good days still out-doing the bad ones...
Last night I did two things that were amazing and spectacular.
1) I saved a lady from distress on Wonderwall (or was that my distress?)
2) I trained the dog to walk right beside me without a leash on, using only verbal signals and being more stubborn than it would be.
Moving on. God's been with me today. He knew I needed a good day. Lifted my spirits right off the ground. I don't know why He does things like that...but I'm so blessed that He does
Today, was definitely a good day. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it was that made it a good day. Maybe it was the encouraging words that some ppl think I have a bod (please note that I'm taking some personal stabs at a dear friend...and lady). Or perhaps it was the fact that, after staying up till 1 a.m. and received 2 picture messages, I felt as though I just had an amazing day/night. NO, my day was NOT that pathetic.
I woke up to the sound of my room mate spraying no-stick onto the pan...or was it his realization we had no eggs? At some point in between there I fell asleep and woke up to the resumption of cooking upon his return from Winndixi. He made me breakfast. This was odd and strange to me, for it was the first meal I didn't play a hand in (a.k.a. doing all the work) making.
after breakfast I drank some energy SUPPLEMENTS (not drugs mind you) and headed to the gym to work out. I can honestly say that I've never had a better work out. I felt better after than I have in awhile :) After the work out I came home and helped my Asian friend with math. I know, I know. Your all thinking I'm a genius (way to stereotype Asians right?), but in fact, I'm not. He just doesn't like math (I feel like I let everybody down).
Anyway, then (a highlight of my day) I took Noah for a walk. We have the best of times together. I tell him all I can think to tell him. He knows all my secrets, but promised to never tell any of you (so don't even try).
I then proceeded to head over to a friends house where I laughed and carried on far to much, Went for a walk all over campus (3x) then, road my motorcycles on some sidewalks, and topped off the whole evening with some guitar hero (sorry Michael, I'm not a very accomplished bass player).
Yup, God is amazing :)
1) I saved a lady from distress on Wonderwall (or was that my distress?)
2) I trained the dog to walk right beside me without a leash on, using only verbal signals and being more stubborn than it would be.
Moving on. God's been with me today. He knew I needed a good day. Lifted my spirits right off the ground. I don't know why He does things like that...but I'm so blessed that He does
Today, was definitely a good day. I'm still trying to figure out exactly what it was that made it a good day. Maybe it was the encouraging words that some ppl think I have a bod (please note that I'm taking some personal stabs at a dear friend...and lady). Or perhaps it was the fact that, after staying up till 1 a.m. and received 2 picture messages, I felt as though I just had an amazing day/night. NO, my day was NOT that pathetic.
I woke up to the sound of my room mate spraying no-stick onto the pan...or was it his realization we had no eggs? At some point in between there I fell asleep and woke up to the resumption of cooking upon his return from Winndixi. He made me breakfast. This was odd and strange to me, for it was the first meal I didn't play a hand in (a.k.a. doing all the work) making.
after breakfast I drank some energy SUPPLEMENTS (not drugs mind you) and headed to the gym to work out. I can honestly say that I've never had a better work out. I felt better after than I have in awhile :) After the work out I came home and helped my Asian friend with math. I know, I know. Your all thinking I'm a genius (way to stereotype Asians right?), but in fact, I'm not. He just doesn't like math (I feel like I let everybody down).
Anyway, then (a highlight of my day) I took Noah for a walk. We have the best of times together. I tell him all I can think to tell him. He knows all my secrets, but promised to never tell any of you (so don't even try).
I then proceeded to head over to a friends house where I laughed and carried on far to much, Went for a walk all over campus (3x) then, road my motorcycles on some sidewalks, and topped off the whole evening with some guitar hero (sorry Michael, I'm not a very accomplished bass player).
Yup, God is amazing :)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Pearl
My lover was found
Like a pearl from the sea
A speck of sand bound
In this world, just for me.
My words spoken that day
Like the hard grain of sand
Placed in my lovers sweet bay
In their heart like a brand.
My words sat in torment
Till love was brought forth
Could they know my words meant
Our lives would have worth?
Now where love was placed
A pearl once had lain
A timely reminder of all I did face
But left me something, forever, pain
For a time I stop fighting
And my pearls pulled from me
Gone, quick as lightening
Its lost now at sea
I'm not cynical always, but today was an exception. Just a random poem from my thoughts
Like a pearl from the sea
A speck of sand bound
In this world, just for me.
My words spoken that day
Like the hard grain of sand
Placed in my lovers sweet bay
In their heart like a brand.
My words sat in torment
Till love was brought forth
Could they know my words meant
Our lives would have worth?
Now where love was placed
A pearl once had lain
A timely reminder of all I did face
But left me something, forever, pain
For a time I stop fighting
And my pearls pulled from me
Gone, quick as lightening
Its lost now at sea
I'm not cynical always, but today was an exception. Just a random poem from my thoughts
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
A creative way to say you are a lousy bum without a job: I'm currently in the search for an appropriate means of which to gather income and thus meet my needs.
yes, currently i've had two job interviews, and am in the process of sending a resume` for the third. I've approached four business managers/owners with my best smile and neatest attire, and gotten the "we aren't hiring" mumbo-jumbo. Ah, life is sweet. Sarcasm? Well, to my room mate maybe, but who wouldn't kill to live on the East coast of Florida, own a surfboard and motorcycle, and be able to do whatever they wanted all day? Yeah, its not as great as it sounds when your inbetween college and are supposed to be working to pay off debts its not that grand.
Today was good, however. Woke up at 9 a.m. and started my day off in the right direction with a yogurt (strawberry, delicious). I chose to sleep on the couch vs. my pathetic excuse for a bed (its hideaway in the couch in my tiny, tiny room. I did the dishes, some laundry, jumped in the shower, and then headed off on my bike to the job interview. No, I will not tell you where (I'm rather ashamed of it actually). Now, normally I'm confident of job interviews, but my room mate has shaken that confidence with pessamism and, thus, effectivly destroyed all hope I had in getting the job (he wants me to wash airplanes, I just want a job).
I got home and decided that the dog was in need if a walk desperately (the leaping and yanking on the chain gave it away). That was a mistake. Anyone that lives in Florida has heard of a lovely lil creature I'm quite sure God didn't create and is a spawn of Satan himself: the No-See-Em. yeah, you can't see 'em, and they bite the HECK out of you.
I returned home, with pieces of me missing and cooked supper (why did I show off that I knew how to cook?). It was delicious (naturally). Now, I'm pulling a blank on what else to write. And since I know that I have at least one loyal fan waiting up till the wee hours of the night just to read this, I shall bid thee all a good evening.
yes, currently i've had two job interviews, and am in the process of sending a resume` for the third. I've approached four business managers/owners with my best smile and neatest attire, and gotten the "we aren't hiring" mumbo-jumbo. Ah, life is sweet. Sarcasm? Well, to my room mate maybe, but who wouldn't kill to live on the East coast of Florida, own a surfboard and motorcycle, and be able to do whatever they wanted all day? Yeah, its not as great as it sounds when your inbetween college and are supposed to be working to pay off debts its not that grand.
Today was good, however. Woke up at 9 a.m. and started my day off in the right direction with a yogurt (strawberry, delicious). I chose to sleep on the couch vs. my pathetic excuse for a bed (its hideaway in the couch in my tiny, tiny room. I did the dishes, some laundry, jumped in the shower, and then headed off on my bike to the job interview. No, I will not tell you where (I'm rather ashamed of it actually). Now, normally I'm confident of job interviews, but my room mate has shaken that confidence with pessamism and, thus, effectivly destroyed all hope I had in getting the job (he wants me to wash airplanes, I just want a job).
I got home and decided that the dog was in need if a walk desperately (the leaping and yanking on the chain gave it away). That was a mistake. Anyone that lives in Florida has heard of a lovely lil creature I'm quite sure God didn't create and is a spawn of Satan himself: the No-See-Em. yeah, you can't see 'em, and they bite the HECK out of you.
I returned home, with pieces of me missing and cooked supper (why did I show off that I knew how to cook?). It was delicious (naturally). Now, I'm pulling a blank on what else to write. And since I know that I have at least one loyal fan waiting up till the wee hours of the night just to read this, I shall bid thee all a good evening.
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